Dear Nintendo: Stop Killing Zelda, Please
So Nintendo is nearing the release of The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks pretty soon, and I have some things to get off my chest about this. I’ve read all the information about this latest Zelda title, and Nintendo appears to be raping the series yet again.
First: I’m A Zelda Fanbody
I started off with the third title, A Link To The Past, and fell in love with it. Ocarina of Time came out, and was one of the best games I’ve ever played in my life, with Majora’s Mask falling right along those same lines.
So I’m no stranger to the series, and I can honestly say that I love those games more than chocolate.
Now, when Wind Waker came out, I felt a little betrayed by the cel-shaded animation as opposed to the traditional 3D graphics used by OoT and MM, but never-the-less I gave it a try…
…And was horrified.
“The Wind Waker syndrome”
As if the gay cel-shaded animation was bad enough on the eyes, they had me riding around in a boat hunting down pieces of triforce. Stupidest thing I’ve ever had to do in a Zelda game, and believe me – I played every single one of those Majora’s Mask side-quests.
I never even finished Wind Waker. I felt betrayed, and felt it did no justice to the series whatsoever. Then, as if all my complaints to Nintendo finally meant something, Twilight Princess came out.
Twilight Princess
I hated the title because I had to recite it in Block Buster to rent the game (doesn’t sound very masculine), but I had to try it. It was great – it brought back the old OoT feel, and even acted like it had a place within the Zelda storyline in respect to the other titles.
I loved it. It wasn’t any OoT or anything, but it was a relief from the stupid-ass cel-shading and cartoon bullshit.
Phantom Hourglass
Words don’t even describe how pissed I was when they turned around from Twilight Princess to return to the horrendous cel-shading crap. I didn’t even waste my time.
Spirit Tracks
And now, as if they are just begging me disown my beloved series, they pull this yet again. Only this time, they ditched the boat and went with a steam train.
Nintendo, what the hell are you smoking.
As if riding around in a boat and collecting stupid miscellaneous items wasn’t tedious and retarded enough, some genius at Nintendo decided to:
- Make it a train this time
- Make it a FUCKING TRAIN this time
- Make you once again hunt for stupid items…
- …In something that clearly doesn’t fit in the Zelda universe
I mean, it’s a train. Come on. And a steam train, too – how did they invent this when Robert Fulton didn’t event the steamboat until the mid-1800′s? (that’s not a cue to make another steamboat game, nintendo)
Let me get this straight – here you have cel-shaded Link, running around in a TUNIC, trying to save a princess (just a wild guess), and he’s going to do it in his steam train while living in a tree.
Makes perfect sense, if you’re on crack. Maybe that’s just it – somewhere between Majora’s Mask and Wind Waker Link found a crackpipe, and started puffin’ up on that Kokiri rock so get over the loss of Navi, hence the cel-shaded-ness of Wind Waker et al.
Oh, he came off the pipe just long enough to make Twilight Princess, where he found that while he was away sailing around stoned – all hell breaks loose in Hyrule. But now he’s back on the pipe again, following the loss of Minda. So it goes.
Nintendo DS + Train = Goodbye RPG
So you’re on a train, right? Trains run on tracks. Funny thing about tracks, is that they only go where the track-layer wants them to go.
That’s right, goodbye traditional “Let’s go explore here now” Zelda gameplay – you’re going only where the tracks are gonna take you. Oh, the DS lets you realistically draw tracks on the touchscreen as a dungeon bonus – but that’s about it.
And that’s on your unrealistic steam train, while you’re in your tunic, shooting stuff out of cartoon canons (god forbid the kids see any actual violence like they see on MTV). All this in your trippy, cel-shaded universe.
Conclusion
Zelda is dead to me. I’ll sit here in refuge, with my SNES and N64, playing the Zelda I’ve always known and loved. You can have that cel-shaded crap – I’m done with it.
Nintendo is killing the best series to ever hit the gaming industry, and it saddens me. I’m sure that I’m not the only one whom thinks so, either. But I’ll at least be the only one to say it – Fuck Nintendo, and the death they’re bringing to the Zelda series.
(see also: the commercial failure Azurik: Rise of Perathia, which also had you going around collecting fragments in a terrible attempt to be considered a “game”. The Wikipedia article on it has obviously been edited by the game creators.)
Are you kidding? The cell rendering to me
was magical. Oh well its really deep psycho stuff.
But the on-the-rails navigation is the same as the
boat-sailing-the-sea situation.
Calm down there Internet tough guy. Ever consider letting go, or, you know, actually going back and playing OoT?
*doesnotreadblogfeelfreetobitchatmeforbeingwrong*
They are not going to make you a game just for nostalgia’s sake. The next gen has no nostalgia. Nintendo is pulling new people into the videogame craze. The next generation of Zelda is forming now, and it is bringing in a new army of new Zelda fans with it. These latest games are what’s keeping up Zelda, not fond memories of the past.
Yes, trains don’t fit the Zelda universe because there never were any steampunk elements in Majora’s Mask and Twilight Princess, therefore it just don’t fit.
And you hate Wind Waker because of the cel-shading, that is a perfectly good reason to hate it, after all, cel-shading is really gay and homosexual, and we don’t want to play a gay game, do we? Because Zelda is manly, and LttP and the gameboy Zelda games were all realistic like OoT and TP and therefore, Wind Waker’s style totally misfits the series.
Oh, why did I even mentioned the gameboy Zelda games, they aren’t worth two shits anyway, seeing as you didn’t mention Link’s Awakening or the first Zelda, after all, Zelda only began at “A Link to the Past”, isn’t it true? Or else it’d be called “A Link to the Present” or “A Link to the Future”!
Fantastic rant, I really enjoyed it.
UM ok… So in other words your stuck on an old game… ya it was fun (OoT) but its not the best game ever, I would say WW was… but hey it has toon graphics. Um well why doesn’t that bother me? probably because if it had Twilight princess graphics in it the game would have loading screens and 1 small temple because the water graphics would be the game. And if your a so called fan you shouldnt get pissed because its not YOUR “Perfect” Zelda game.
I love legend of zelda twilight princess it sticks true to the zelda pedigree. People who hate nintendo are losers. nintendo has treated zelda series as it king, twilight princess was the best gamecube game ever.
It’s like Nintendo have not only carried on with the split timeline theory, but led each road to a different userbase. I love each one though, I must say.
I hope the new Zelda for wii is more like the n64 games. Twilight princess was not good. Bad graphics combined with incredibly easy battles and a dumb story do not do Zelda justice…
First i like to say twilight princess was awesome game and second of all, you call yourself a legend of zelda fan when you rent zelda games. Now I been fan of the series when it first came out and I still love it. How can you criticise phantom hourglass, wind waker and the upcoming spirit tracks? They were great games and very successfully acclaimed by reviewer’s worldwide. I personally think fans prefer the adult Link rather then the kid Link. Nintendo haven’t killed zelda or damaged it, you’re just a fan who loves ocarina of time too much. And how can you hate the title of twilight princess, to sink that low it’s just ridiculous.
oh yeah, another thing people often forget about minish cap. I loved legend of zelda since I was a kid and in fact it was link’s awakening dx was my first video game I ever played. I’m legend of zelda biggest fan but even biggest fans worry……
I kinda take back on what i said about eiji aonuma. I agree with MM about Oot being the greatest game ever but the main argument is those about phantom hourglass, wind waker and spirit tracks. I be honest I played phantom hourglass it was good but nowhere great as the oracle games.
I was annoyed by the Windwaker at first too, but I stuck with it, and was amply rewarded by one of the best storyline twists since “Hello, you’re in the Dark World now” (Z3). I too almost didn’t give it a chance because of the annoying take-a-boat-everwhere gameplay, but I assure you, the final battle was epic.
That said, Sprit Tracks? I’ll try it, but oh god, stop killing Zelda!
Oh, but yes, Spirit Tracks makes me go “Ehhh…” too. At how it seems to be stacking up, though I’ll likely GET the game, it may pessimistically end up my least favorite of the series…
- MM
Really? You hated Wind Waker and PH because of the cel-shade?
Dude, no offense, but that’s a pretty lame excuse.
As a second-gen Zelda-fan (my dad started w/ the original), I’ve played all of them. Beaten them all. And Wind Waker is my favorite; not to condemn you or anything for your opinions, necessarily.
I think WW was a necessary and important chapter in the Zelda-world, and so beautiful. My fellow Zelda-fanboy/girl peeps that complain about the ‘change in graphics’, clearly say that based on…what? TWO 3D Zelda games? That took place on the less graphically capable N64?
The music, the art, the everything of WW was great, and anyone who claims it to be ‘kiddy’ needs to play it all the way through. Yeah, Majora’s Mask was incredibly dark for the series, and WONDERFUL too, but does that really mean you should expect the next chapter to be darker? If I recall, many were turned away by the darky-ness.
PH wasn’t a disaster, either. Yeah, it was REALLY short. And yeah, it was REALLY easy. At least, to me. But they at least utilized the controls BEAUTIFULLY, and it still carried at least some form of essence of a Zelda game in it.
Frankly, people should stop putting OoT on a pedestal so high that they can’t even reach it. I loved it too. It’s practically the greatest N64 game ever. A Game of the Year winner. But honestly? People keep squawking for a “true OoT successor”. I found every Nintendo console-Zelda and handheld (esp. Capcom’s Minish Cap and Oracle duo) to be incredibly beautiful. Twilight Princess, to me, had the definitive Hyrule. And this is from someone who grew up with the ORIGINAL Hyrule, not nostalgics who refuse to look past OoT’s Hyrule. Wind Waker gave Link expression, but not too much character to make you forget he represents YOU. OoT had the most beautiful music and heaviest story in the line. PH defined the DS’s controls. They all have an essence of some sort, and you’re free to prefer whichever. But please don’t call something a failure simply because of your preference. WW/TP/PH sold millions, and were all nominated for Game of the Year and other awards.
Forgive my epic rant.
- MM
seriously ……….
u hated wind waker,and phantom hourglass just because of the cel shading, and hunting for items….dude wind waker is a great game. the cel shadedness actually helped with how u played the game and i think wind waker is a lot better than twilight princess because 1) twilight princess just did not give me the same atmoshpere as did wind waker 2)In wind waker i could use the deku leaf and the wind waker baton stuff to float wherever !@#$ i wanted
I agree with on most parts with indy but who else will replace shigeru miyamoto in the future?
That cel-shading event was a dark time in my life. The Twilight Princess redeemed it, so I like to think a BAD Zelda title always means there is an AWESOME game around the bend to ease the pain…
Believe it or not but I loved Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass. I can’t wait for the release of Spirit Tracks since i loved the Cel shaded link. A new Zelda is coming possibly by next year with he return of TP graphics so you might enjoy that
Well zelda ain’t dead but nintendo will kill it in the future. As the legend of zelda audience shrinks and less work put in by the godfather himself Shigeru Miyamoto. Eiji Aonuma who worked on legend of zelda Oot as Shigeru Miyamoto protege. He designed every single legend of zelda game from majora mask to spirit tracks and all those games i didn’t like much, it was zelda but if i was a kid i would have enjoyed them. There one thing i hate about eiji aonuma, he doesn’t like to follow Miyamoto tracks, so eiji is constantly changing the design legend of zelda games. I’m looking forward to the new wii zelda game, hopefully they actually do what they planning of, which is to top Oot. I be happy if new zelda game comes in 2012 or 2013, now before you call me crazy, just remember Oot came 8 years after the last zelda game, which was 1991.